What I am about to say will not resonate with everyone, and to those who believe they know me, it may not even fit their understanding of me, however, it is my version of the truth, and I feel the need to share.
I hear people talk about wanting things to go back to normal, to go back to their busy lives, and get back to the regular place of work. I understand how they feel, however, I do not share those feelings.
This Great Pause of 2020, and now two months into 2021, has been a huge gift for me. I needed this time to truly figure out who I am and what I feel. I am an empath with a big heart and an even bigger self imposed responsibility to take care of those around me. In the before times, in my busy office, I would pick up on what everyone was feeling. The hustle and bustle, the feelings of those in the mall attached to where I work, or the stresses of those around me in my day to day life. I was tired, more than tired, I was bone weary from just feeling ALL of it. As these chaotic times heated, up I heard all the concerns and all the complaints of those whose first world lives were being disrupted. I was aware of the news whether I chose to partake of it, or not. It was all around me. The zany business south of the border and all the media circus around the virus. Did I mention how tired I was?
Working from home for me has been a blessing. I interact with people online, almost my entire day, but there is a distance, and an opportunity to walk away for a bit. I am surrounded by my own supportive space, by art, plants, and crystals. I can take a walk around and find the grounding and comfort I need to get me past the next upset person, the next unrequested piece of disconcerting news. I can look out the window or take a brief break to the Zen zone of my den. I can go outside and breath fresh air, see the trees or watch the snow softly drift down outside my window into nature, not concrete.
I work, don’t kid yourself. There are fewer interruptions and it is way easier to lose the day and to work longer; to not take breaks and not move as much. However, it is my own space, there is quiet and I can take a break from the news and the worries.
I don’t look forward to a return to the office. If I have a choice, I will continue to work from home. I will work hard and I accomplish much. If given the opportunity to carry on this way, I will chose to stay put. I don’t miss the hustle and bustle. I miss the friends I choose to spend my moments with. I have found ways to keep in touch with them. I miss hugs, I miss true laughter and I miss connection.
I just don’t miss being corralled in beige with no escape from the barrage of sound and feelings which are not of my choosing.
I hope when the fear of infection has calmed down, that the world will be one made of more choice for the empath. I hope there truly will be work life balance. I hope that more people will get in touch with themselves, dust off those dreams they have stored deep inside, and forge a life of their choosing.